Newspaper Style Design Experiment
Weatherforcast for the next 24 hours: Plenty of Frags
Wind: 4.20km/h NNE; Ther: 42.0°C; Hum: 420%
North, NE - Sat April 2, 2016 - One Page
The Eve Spring

by Boo Boo TittyFuck

Right now, we have a huge range of small and large alliances - Call them the Moneybadgers Coalition, the Good Guys Coalition, or whatever - working together to chisel away at the vast edifice of the Imperium. They have joint comms, a single server for broadcasting important kickstarter, a team of diplomats who only sometimes alienate their bullied allies enough to make them leave their bloc, and unified standings. We have only a loose coalition of shared interests. It's a real clusterfuck of a coalition, alright. Maybe there's a name in there we could use.

In fact, if it wasn't for the fact that we are more motivated, better at eve and are having more fun I don't know if we would have a chance.

Even now, with blood in the water, more and more people are contacting us to say "what can we do? How can we help?" They ask for standings. This is hard because we are comprised of five or six loose groups of plucky freedom fighters and our numbers increase every day. In recent fights we have won devastating victories, but the most deadly and competent foe we face amongst our enemies has been blue-on-blue fire. Friendly fire by our own side has, in fact, clicked more paplinks than Razor and Goonwaffe put together. But then so has my mum and she thinks Eve is that tart frm the bible that fucked things up for all of us with her constant fruit-gobbling antics.

As a result, we have more groups than we can keep track of, ranging in engagement rules from the courtly Knights of Providence to the kill-the-infidel Jihadis of Spectre Fleet, and managing blue lists would be impossible even if we didn't want to shoot each other on our days off. Which we do.

Ask Not What Eve Can Do For You...

The crowd seemed to grow

Right, this bit is serious so no joking and pay attention at the back, there.

Simply put, if you want to help out with the dismantling of the Imperium, then here is what to do:

Spin Spin Sugar.

STEP ONE: Set the following alliances red:

STEP TWO: If you have reds at the moment, set them orange (I'd suggest standing 4.9 so you know who to instantly reset to -10 the second that Mittani signs the instrument of surrender aboard the Test battleship the "DHD Dickbutte" in VFK Bay).

STEP THREE: Until this is over, ONLY SHOOT REDS in the following regions:

  • Fade
  • Pure Blind
  • Tribute
  • Vale
  • Tenal
  • Venal

That's it! Welcome aboard.

Ownification Goals

April 2k16

No matter your gameplay style we can find a way for you and your comrades to make impactful contributions.

"One butterfly caused all of this , perhaps you are the next such butterfly"

Focus entosising on Pure Blind & Deklein regions. "Cloaky­Camp Deklein ratting systems.

The more timers and mayhem the better. During big timers it is very hard to coordinate. One of the most effective things you can do is bubble camp chokepoint's. Regions like Pureblind , Fade and Deklein are prime for these activites. Remember have a scout and keep yourself safe.

A Buzz on the wind


Q. Who Can Do This? A. Anyone. You can do this if you are a 200-man alliance in the drones who fancies some fun harassing sov and camping gates in Branch for a few days, or you can do this if you are a soloist who wants to afk-camp some Fade ratting systems. Maybe there are half a dozen of you who were brought together by your shared autism and a common love of entosising systems in Pure Blind then safing up whenever the weary Goonshields that pass for locals drag a fleet down there to stop you. We're bringing people together! We're crowdsourcing Eve's biggest ever war and this is one kickstarter that's already reached its funding target.

Q. Does this mean we are NRDS? I'm not really very good at roleplaying. A. In those six regions, yes it does.

Q. I was in Branch and some neutral guy I'd never heard of said he really hated goons so I ignored him then probed me down and shot me where do I complain? A. You don't. You're in nullsec, some people are buttes and some people will just roam around and shoot anyone and what's more you are a butte too and you'll get into an argument over the best pokemon and end up primarying each others' fleets out of boredom just get a new ship, avoid those asshats and keep those eyes on the prize soldier.

Q. How is babby formed? A. God makes a man and a woman kiss in a special way and then magics them so they can't get a full night's sleep for a decade and sets up an automated bank withdrawal for all of their money each month for three decades while their wastrel child fritters their life away on niche MMOs.

Wait There Has To Be A Catch


Make no mistakes, the cunning and wily goon, even now, shall be cackling like a fiend as he plots how to disrupt this plan, pausing only to send out a ping to his weary and exploited allies about the order to dutifully watch some tedious nerd playing bad games on his twitch channel. It won't be perfect: if you're not blue to people you don't know then maybe don't immediately accept their invitation to merge into their fleet. If you see local spike when camping a gate, don't just assume that they are brave Rohirrim sweeping down to slay the goony orcs: use your head.

But in fights, focus on the people who are red and you cannot go far wrong. If you are harassing a particular constellation, and you see a bunch of neutral guys doing the same thing nearby, why not tentatively kick a football into no-man's-land and see what happens? It's an Easter miracle!